Ways to annoy the characters in Inheritance
by Vita-de-Incendia
Summary: UPDATED I decided to write this story one night. I was a LITTLE hyper, so beware XD This is the step by step process to give everybody gray hairs and eventually have Arya murder you... yeah. -WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME-
1. Step 1

UPDATED: I was bored, so I decided to write this down… I've lost it a LONG time ago…

**List of ways to annoy the characters in Inheritance:**

Galbatorix

OHMYGOSH!! YOU'RE BALD!!

Excuse me, your majesty, I found this rock in the treasury, can I keep it?

(King stands right behind you) GUESS WHAT MURTAGH?! THE KING IS SOOOO STUPID, AM I RIGHT OR WHAT?!

(When he asks you if you are insane) NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE PADDED ROOM AGAIN!!

Sorry, your majesty, I _accidentally _pushed Murtagh out of the highest tower…

(Innocently) Can I have a hug?

Tell him that the elves live at the bottom of the ocean and see if he goes looking for them.

Oromis/ Gleadr/ Elves

Go hunting in the forest of Du Weldenvarden. Then walk into Ellesmera carrying your catch on your shoulders.

Walk around rambling about nonsense. See if you can make them finally crack. (You will know if they do, there will be a few arrows sticking out of you… you'll be a PORCUPINE!!)

Run around the elven cities screaming FIRE!!

While at an elven feast produce slices of jerky from your bag and start chewing loudly while saying ANYBODY WANT SOME JERKY??

Dwarves

Go to Farthen Dur talking loudly about pithies.

Ask every dwarf you meet where the star sapphire is.

Go up to a dwarf and ask with a STRAIGHT face: Sir, why are you so short?

Run around the mines screaming ROCK SLIDE!!

Eragon/ Saphira

Hide all of his clothes in the toilet

Go into Aberon asking everyone if they had seen your missing sapphire dragon.

OHMYGOSH!! IT'S ED SPEELERS!!

Become a stalker.

At night paint Saphira's scales red.

Exist

Replace his soap with butter

When he draws his sword in irritation yell, HA! I FINALLY DID IT!

Murtagh/ Thorn

Follow him wherever he goes asking him random questions.

Replace Zar'roc with a plastic spoon.

Poke him whenever the opportunity arises.

Start singing when he is trying to concentrate

Ramble on and on about nonsense and when he tells you to stop talking start singing. When he tells you to stop singing start whistling. When he tells you to stop whistling start humming. When he tells you to stop humming start hissing and watch in amusement when he draws Zar'roc in irritation.

Attempt to sell Thorn on eBay.

When Thorn walks by yell OHMYGOSH!! THAT IS ONE BIG CHICKEN!!

When he walks by whisper loudly to a person nearby, "I see gay people." Watch his reaction

Dip Zar'roc in petroleum jelly and see how long he can hold on to it.

Walk to a place where he can easily see you. Call him and accuse him of stealing your cell phone. (I have no idea why the cell would work in Alagaesia….)

Exist.

Arya

Run around Aberon with your arms flailing and screaming, "The elf is going to kill me!"

At random moments give her a big hug…

Take a plastic, light-up lightsaber, and challenge her to a duel.

Stare wide-eyed and unblinking at her when she is meditating.

Run circles around her, and again, with your arms flailing and screaming.

To finish your job, walk away saying, 'may the force be with you.'

No one in particular, just for the fun of it…

Run around the Burning Plains screaming FIRE!!

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! Where have you been? "See if they talk to you to avoid embarrassment.

Give everyone in sight a great big hug… FINALLY!!

BUT I WANT PIZZA!!

When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in a small street/ alley.

Go to the hotel and try to call the main office.

Put up a McDonalds sign in the center of the town (which ever one you want) watch people's reactions.

Find a long line of people and yell RED ROVER!!

Begin a FOOD FIGHT!!

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

Go to a tavern and ask for a soda.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." See if you get arrested.

Run around the towns, or where ever else saying, "The British are coming!! The British are coming!!"

Follow someone until they notice and call the police. (Or whatever you call them…)

()()()()()()()()()()

Emily laughed hysterically when she read what her sister had written. Maybe she should try it out…

A few hours later:

A shadowy figure snuck stealthily along the streets of Aberon. Drawing near an oblivious couple the figure screamed "RED ROVER!!" Thereafter chaos ensued…

**I hope you enjoyed these tips… ahem… things **_**NOT**_** to do in Alagaesia **_**if **_**you value your life.**

**Please review and give me more ideas on what to write. Tell me what you like, and what you do not… REVIEW!!**

**I just updated… do you like it? …… I want it to be good… Sorry… I will stop rambling now… BYE!!**


	2. Step 2

**((Rewritten!!!))**

*******

**Hello everyone!! I finally decided to update this thing... I just wasn't in the mood. Now I did!!! Please give me ideas for the next update!!!!**

*******

"Hey! Hey! Sis!" a young girl giggled happily, "have anymore?" I sighed and placed Brisinger back on the table.

"Are you sure? I'm not really in the mood."

"Come on please! I had so much fun last time!" I froze and looked at her in horror.

"You didn't..."

"Oh yes I did!" she shrieked, "My friends and I are ready for more!"

"Fine."

"Yeah!!!!!!!!!!"

"This way I will finally get my revenge," I grinned evilly. I sat down and looked at the paper before me.

_Now what would make them REALLY mad......?_

**_***_**

_**Galbatorix (hey…. Those in castle basically… except for Murtagh!)**_

1. (When egg goes missing) I swear your majesty I didn't take it! If I didn't I wouldn't be acting as guilty as I am now!

2. (When in jail… or whatever you call it) Depict the scientific method to the soldiers guarding you.

Step one: state the problem

Is a stone wall as bouncy as a padded one?

Step two: make observations

Wall looks… hard. Done!

Step three: form a hypothesis

I think it will be very bouncy! Why else would people land themselves in jail so much?

Step four: experiment

Rams self to wall several times

One… ow.

Two… ooow.

Three… OW.

…

NINE… oooowchhh

Ten… *pauses* (soldiers look back in confusion) that really hurt.

Step five: Record results

Wow… that was hard.

Step six: State your conclusion

The wall REALLY hurts… the tree is funnier.

Sit back and watch their confusion.

3. Tell never ending story of tree incident.

4. Graffiti!

5. Talk to guards about king (when he is in earshot of course!!)

Hey! You know what? This king isn't very smart. First of all… he has this BIG map in his throne room (referring to part in movie XD hilarious) and he doesn't even know where the elves are. I mean it's in big letters at the top! Then he goes and rips it up… then Shruikan burns it! How stupid is that??? Now he can't find them. He's not smart… not even before he went mad. He went and got his dragon killed… not very smart. And he is so weak he can't even train his apprentice right! He can't even catch that other rider. And… *pauses* Why hello your majesty!!!!

6. !!!!!!!!!! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!! IT'S MINE YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! ((Runs away carrying item of meal)…. You know like what a dragon would eat. I'M NOT THAT GOOD!!! XD anyway… on with the story!!!)

7. (Finds final stone) (mimics voice) My… Preciousss

8. Tag! You're it! (Runs howling in laughter) (Returns slowly) tag! You're it! No answer. Tag! Tag! Tag! And so on before running off howling in laughter as Shruikan goes chasing after you in agitation.

9. (Compulsory meeting between top leaders of the empire to discuss final battle with Varden) Runs in screaming at random point with arms flailing and running circles around assemblage. Run out of room with no other accomplishments leaving confused and annoyed men behind.

10. Waltz around happily while carrying Eragon (or any of the other of the three books) obviously to make sure everyone sees it. Perk up his curiosity.

11. May the force be with you.

*******

_**Murtagh**_

1. (Murtagh returns to castle dripping wet) Did you find the elves, Murtagh? (Gives death glares and chases after you with Zar'roc.)

2. Grease Zar'roc's pummel. (grease seems to work better than jelly…) (See if it flies farther this time.)

3. Insist on seeing his scar. If unwilling use force. KILL HIM.

4. (Thorn is nowhere to be found) Ask who bought him.

5. Ask him if he wants you to start talking again.

*******

_**Brom**_

1. You know? My parents always said what you read isn't the same as what you see… graphically. They were COMPLETELY right! In the movie when you died I almost cried. But in the book… I died of laughter.

2. Ask him what would happen if you drank seither oil.

3. Ask him if he will show you.

4. If refuses, make him.

5. When he dies, run screaming about banshees and try to find Eragon.

*******

_**Eragon/ Saphira**_

1. Try to convince him that he's Ed Speelers

2. Steal Brisinger and run around the Varden's camp screaming war cries and chasing and hacking at random people.

3. Gallop (you know… like a retard!) through the Hadarac while swinging it above your head. See if he goes chasing after you.

4. See if he hides his chamber pot whenever you walk past his tent.

5. While walking through the desert (with him in seeing distance) start digging frantically in the ground. When he asks what you're doing tell him you figured out where the last dragon egg was hiding. Leave (with dignity XD) and return later to see if he is still digging.

6. Ask Saphira (when Eragon is in ear-shot) why she hadn't told Eragon she had laid some eggs, yet.

*******

_**The Varden (no one in particular)**_

1. Randomly waltz into a meeting (at Nasuada's pavilion of course!) and calmly grab their 'plans'. Walk out with same calmness but with a slightly quicker pace.

2. When they've caught you (what did you think you wouldn't???) insist vehemently that you are an American (whatever nationality you just happen to be?) citizen and have no right to hold you.

3. Smile with childish glee and start running and screaming (childishly!) around the tree they've tied you to (backwards of course! You can't get very far when you're bound to the tree with ropes around your chest!) Stop periodically asking the guard to get the splinter out of your butt.

4. Tell the guards that this is the equivalence to the padded room. When they ask what a padded room is tell them that it is an AWESOME room in which you wear a straight-jacket and get to run and bounce of the walls. They'll begin to ignore you.

5. Continue until guards beg to be relieved. Eragon will look on in horror and refuse immediately. No way. (Ha! Fear!)

*******

_**Elves**_

1. Ah… too bad. The elves no longer allow you into Ellesmera (let alone Du Weldenvarden) not after last time XD.

*******

_**Arya**_

1. Aaaaaaaaaaaryyyyy…. oops. You're dead. Just like that! She really does have a temper…

2. I LIVE!!!!!!! Watch her eyes widen in horror at your sudden revival. (beeeeware... u ain't really dead XD)

3. Follow her around asking random questions.

4. See if she still believes in the force.

5. Poke her whenever the opportunity arises.

6. Tell her you won't let her in on your meditations. She'll be too loud.

7. Slap her hard in the face and call her an asshead. Run for your life.

8. Have you ever heard of a human that could out run an elf?

*******

**Ha! there you go! sorry it's a little short but... I just wasn't '**

**in the mood' my sister helped me... a little. she just helped me get into the mood! I am ACTUALLY not that hyper... so it's not that great but... hope you still liked it! for some of these you have to read the previous chapter to understand this. please tell me what you think and give me ideas for the next update!!!! **

**I especially thank Hollyleaf9! with your review I decided to keep going!!! and if I get more ideas people... I will keep going!!!!!**

**Atra esterni ono thelduin**

_**Wait......! I didn't say anything yet!!!**_

**HINA!**

_**what?**_

**Fetch the cookie!!!! *chucks cookie***

_**YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!**__** *runs after happily***_

**I can't believe she actually fell for that again... anyway bye!**

*******


	3. Step 3

**hello everyone! i updated on this again! i was hyper again tonight (more than usual XD) and decided to do this again... for all those who are wondering i will try to update on some of my other stories!!!!**

Galbatorix

Set him up with an appointment with Dr. Phil.

Stand behind him and imitate his movements with OVERLY exaggerated one of your own.

Trip him at all opportunities.

Shoot him in the butt with a Nerf gun.

Ask him if he forgot to take his medicine.

Sing 'sugar high' by Vic Mignogna every morning and convince him vehemently to drink his 10 cups of coffee.

Run around screaming that the sky is falling. Watch his reaction.

One word: tickle!!!!!!!

Sing the most dreaded song of all time: "I know a song that never ends…" or "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…"

Go into a laughing fit whenever he walks by and stop abruptly when you can no longer see him. EVERYTIME.

Ask him why he doesn't have any fan girls.

Tell him sporks like cookies… especially if they are made in a tree. (Referring to Lord of the Beans XD hilarious)

Tell to not attempt this… they only listen to the cookie man… and he will probably burn the tree down.

Spray paint his ENTIRE throne room while he is not there. You _accidently _forgot Shruikan was there.

Tell him the elves are actually Santa's secret minions and he plans a coup de tat.

Sir, have you found the elves yet? Maybe you should go looking for them.

Dwarves

Stare in wide eyed horror at random dwarves. Swear you are at the North Pole.

Fall over laughing and rolling on the ground when someone asks you what a 'pithy' is.

Try to replace the feldunost (spelling?) with llama and say they are cooler.

Distribute chocolate and coffee. Run. SUGAR HIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!!!!!!!

Demand for them to return your cell phone.

When they ask what a 'cell phone' is take yours out and show them what it is.

Convince than that steroids will make them taller and that they already sound and look funny so it should have no side effects.

Blow out all there tunnel 'candles'.

And to finish it off… when the Star Sapphire is fixed, run over in full view of everyone and break it with trusty baseball bat. Run away happily.

Eragon/ Saphira

Sit outside of Eragon's tent and don't move until he makes you.

Ask him where the anti-depressants are.

When he asks what an 'anti-depressant' is, take out Brisinger (which you never gave back XD) and finger it with a crazed expression.

When he asks for Brisinger back look horrified and refuse.

When he asks why not, tell him he'll put an eye out.

Tell Eragon he must save the world.

When he asks why tell him it is the only place with chocolate.

Refuse immediately and tell him ithe chocolate is yours.

Say he can have the cookie instead.

Chuck cookie as far as you can and see if he chases after it.

Ask Saphira why she looks purple.

Run around after her with a fire extinguisher and claim there will most definitely be a fire.

When she finally gets agitated with you following after her a take the extinguisher and blow foamy stuff in her maw. Tell her you 'told her so'.

Give her a toothbrush and tooth paste. Walk away.

Steal Saphira (how? I dunno… personally that could take some talent.) Find random cat and paint it blue. Show it to Eragon and tell him it's Saphira and you don't see anything wrong with her.

Ask Eragon why he doesn't like the shade. Say that it gets very hot without it.

When he asks what you mean say it's all his fault it gets so hot.

Tell him Murtagh has more fan girls because he is hotter.

When he tries to kill you set fan girls on him.

When Eragon is bathing hide and bush and say very loudly "I see you". (No perverts! You don't actually see him…)

Elves

Smile mischievously when you see the elves have left Du Weldenvarden.

Follow them around and continually ask them if they are finally going to 'go west'

Talk to them in the Ancient Language (really you can? I never knew you could XD) see if they get mad.

Ask them why they have pointed ears.

Since they have been in Du Weldenvarden for so long… convince them that pink is fashionable.

Sneeze whenever an elf walks by you and claim you are allergic to elves.

Steal Blaggden and paint him pink. Tell them he's now fashionable.

Take a random rock present it to them and swear that it is a dragon egg.

Remove food stock and replace with every food (meat duh XD) and burn their 'old' food.

Try to convince them you can use magic.

Chuck rock at the back of one of their heads and tell them Vanir did it.

Brom

WOW. He's dead. Again. I wonder why?

Murtagh

Pour oil around his room. (Why?)

Steal his plastic spoon.

See if he gets mad at you for stealing his only weapon.

Replace it with a spork. Say its cooler.

Tell him Santa is watching so he better be good. He won't get any presents then.

O.O The fluffy bunnies took over. Run screaming.

He asks you why you are screaming like a retard.

Tell him.

He stares at you blankly and walks away.

At night when he is sleeping, _accidentally_ drop a lighted match in his room.

BOOM.

Fall over and laugh hysterically over his new hairstyle.

Tell everyone he got a new hairstylist because he didn't think he was hot enough.

Tell him you like his new hairstyle.

Try to teach Thorn how to sing.

Everyone dies.

Why? Ask Murtagh… I'm surprised he wasn't the first to go…

This time grab Zar'roc and start running swinging it around above your head like a retard.

Tell him that black is WAY out of style. Say that pink is the new.

When he refuses to change his wardrobe do some redecorating of his closet. XD

Ask how he got Thorn back.

Steal Thorn (how? I dunno…) and replace with cat.

To finish it off… lock him in room with rabid fan girls.

Arya

Dye her hair red at night and tell her she now looks like herself in the movie.

Whenever she says something mimic her movements.

Tell her Eragon gave up on her to go after Angela (I know… I'm evil XD)

Burn down her tent when she's gone.

Replace her wardrobe with a more…'fitting' one.

Sing the song that never ends until she cracks.

Tell her a coup de tat was under way, her mother was now dead and she was next.

Laugh at the most inappropriate times (especially when she speaks. And stop when she stops… you get the idea XD)

Say you met Yoda. Say he looks just like her.

O.O Wow. IT'S AN ELF! Look completely proud of yourself for figuring this out.

Ask her seriously if she knows the muffin man.

When she asks what a 'muffin man' is start singing every nursery rhyme you can think of at that moment. Keep repeating until you become… a PORCUPINE.

Ask her why she didn't succeed in killing you THREE TIMES (over emphasis the THREE).

Look on in fascination as the calm elven demeanor finally diminishes.

Smile proudly and say 'My life is now complete'. Walk away.

Ask everyone why she is trying to kill you.

SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN. Ah, too bad. That didn't work.

Meddle ye not in the affairs of dragons for ye be crunchy and good with ketchup. (I don't remember where I got that one XD)

OHMYGOSH SHE HAS A DRAGON.

oops.

()()()()()()()()()()

The morning sun slowly rose through the sky illuminating the land and people below. The land was peaceful until a certain few awoke.

A few… um, time later.

Two figures slowly appeared on horizon. Two males garbed in flowing cloaks raised their heads and stared at each other blankly. One drew a long blue sword and the other drew a… spork. The first male with the blue sword stared in astonishment at him.

"What the _heck_ is that?" Eragon said while trying to hold back imminent laughs. Murtagh frowned and glared at him.

"A spork," he growled the he noticed something, "what's with the cat?"

"Don't ask. It looks like the fan girls got you too."

"What makes you… you too?"

"Same with Thorn?"

"Yeah, was it a freaky kid who scared everyone?" Eragon's mouth dropped in amazement.

"You mean the little kid got the king too…"

"Yep, so it was the same?"Eragon nodded.

"I guess we'll team up once again, brother…"

"… to kick some butt." Murtagh finished. Eragon nodded.

"Ha! I knew it!" a voice shrieked. The pair turned around and readied themselves to attack.

"Well look who it is…" the girl frowned then ran away happily. Out of nowhere an arrow came flying and hit the girl straight on.

"Finally…" a voice sighed. Arya stepped out of the bushes and looked at the pair.

"Arya!" Eragon cried out happily, "thank you so much I…"

"Shut up, Eragon," she cried out making him jump, "how about you go tell that to Angela!" she ran away crying. Eragon stood there stunned as Murtagh chuckled in the background. Eragon started fuming.

"Draw your spork, fiend!" Murtagh stopped immediately and frowned.

"You'll pay for that comment, idiot!"

Hysterical laughing erupted in the background.

**Here you go! do you like this one??? i am running out of ideas!!!!! please help!!! it could be anything!!!**

**Thank you to fictionbot and ****Demoness Drakon for the ideas!!!!**

**please help me! i hope you like it!**

**bye!**


	4. Step 4

**This chap includes the ideas of my wonderful reviewers! They are not word for word and have been added on to but I am completely grateful!!! Sorry I haven't updated in so long… I'm just having some issues right now so I haven't been feeling well so its short. I will try to update soon! If you have any questions… just ask! There might be some in this one… so PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'm losing my mind so I can REALLY use the help. Thanks so much for reading!!! And a special thanks for the ideas to: **

**-alaska-young-**

**-Theonewhothinks**

**-Solangedrama**

-jackattack555

**Thanks so much and here we go! These are in no particular order.**

Hand Galbatorix a bottle of Rogaine

follow him around singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! There they are standing in a row!" Continue by inventing new lyrics on the spot.

Ask Eragon if you could do his hair. He will immediately refuse through instinct and past 'occurrences'. If this _does_ occur… use force. After he ACTUALLY submits… dye it blue. Tell him now he looks like Saphira.

Tell Arya about the elves in Harry Potter. Say she looks just like them and chuck a sock in her face. Command her to leave then walk away.

Accuse Murtagh of being emo.

When he denies it, try to convince everyone that  
he IS emo.

Redecorate to prove you are right.

Tell Eragon that you understand his problems, and that he needs Viagra to fix them. Badly.

Tell Eragon that Arya is cheating on him.

Say it's Galby she's sleeping with.

Give him a match and send him to burn down his castle.

Tell Eragon and Murtagh that Thorn secretly knocked up Saphira. See if they believe you this time.

Tell Nasuada that you don't think Roran has been whipped enough times yet for his insolence.

Suggest to Galbatorix that he try Rogaine. Again and again and again and again… you get the point.

Run around the Dwarven caves screaming that Snow White is coming.

Run around Du Weldenvarden screaming that Santa Claus is coming to town (Or  
sing it!) See how the elves react (and of course everyone's fav porcupine…! No wait… I think it's more of a sharp-toothed panda bear with over-grown limbs, an addiction to chocolate and grape juice, and has rabies. Yeah… have them try to figure that one out)

Buy Murtagh a llama.

Cue llama song.

Set up a meeting between Ed Elric and Murtagh. See how well they get along.

Whisper 'short', point at Murtagh then run screaming.

When Galbatorix asks where Murtagh is, point down and say in the Gate. See if he knows what you're talking about.

Say the Gate is a big door that grants all your wishes.

Say the 'magic word' to open the 'wish-granting' door is 'I'm an ugly fat homosexual pedophile'.

Push Galby from the highest tower and say you were teaching him how to fly.

Say Murtagh swears so much because he is too stupid to know any other words.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

Emily sat ginning at the chaos before her. Murtagh was walking around with piercings in every possible place (Emily's idea of emo so no offense people XD). Galbatorix was walking around shouting loudly, "I'm an ugly fat homosexual pedophile". Eragon was running around with a lit match and Arya was crying in a corner.

Emily stood up and started whistling cheerfully. As she walked in the opposite direction she heard a small giggle. Emily stopped and turned to look at the new arrival.

"Hi, Elva!" she said cheerfully. Elva returned the grin but hers was a bit more… ominous.

"You have been giving people much pain lately," she said cheerfully. Emily's smile faltered slightly and she cocked her head in confusion.

"Yeah…?"

"Well, I don't like people like you. Gives me terrible pain to have to deal with you." Elva crouched ready to spring so Emily cried out.

"Come help me sharp-toothed panda bear with over-grown limbs, an addiction to chocolate and grape juice, and has rabies!!!" Elva tripped in her spring and landed face first in the mud.

"WHAT THE _HECK_ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU RETARDLY INSANE IDIOT!!!" Emily shrugged her shoulders and skipped away.

"Embrace the dork within yourself, my friend and may the Force be with you."

**Thanks so much for reading!! Oh! **_**AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

**I have been told that this story is similar to others so I'm very sorry to all those authors!!! I have read several stories like this one so it must have just been stuck into my brain. So if you wrote a story before mine and it has things that I wrote… they most likely belong to you.. so you have the credit!!! Sorry again! Ja!**


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